What's Best For Me Is You
by cardi-is-clumsyy
Summary: Phil believes that Dan will soon find someone better. Rated T for self harm


What's Best For Me Is You

A/N: To explain the background a little, Dan is 20 and Phil's about 17 (so still at high school). This is from Dan's POV about Phil... you'll see what I mean.  
Also, I'm so sorry.

I remember there was blood, lots of it.  
Blood on concrete. Blood on your shirt. Blood on your face.  
I had tucked my hands under your arms to hoist you up,  
then wrapped an arm around your waist and led you towards the school gates. I had to get you off of the school grounds before someone came looking. There were probably teachers still inside the school, after all.  
You were walking briskly and your face was unemotional,  
even though tears were streaming down your muddy,  
bloody, beautiful face.  
Love, what are you doing to yourself?  
I had pushed gently you into the passenger seat of my car and drove over to my place. I wouldn't need to call the Home, they never care about their kids, they would know you were with me. You usually were.  
I had led you into my flat with a hand at the small of your back. Into the bright bathroom and onto the edge of the bath.  
You removed your jacket and dropped it on the floor.  
While I struggled over where to start I had asked you what happened.  
You were silent. You refused to answer. You started to whimper. You wept into my shoulder. Then you told me someone had called you a faggot after seeing us holding hands in the town yesterday.  
I know how much you hated being called that.  
I told you that you needed to learn to control yourself.  
You shouted that you tried.  
You asked why I stayed with you. You had asked me why someone so perfect would want someone so god forsaken as you. I told you that love works in mysterious ways.  
I had cleaned up your bloody knuckles. I asked if you had caused any serious injury. You had chuckled and said you may have broken a tooth or two... or maybe a jaw.  
I had sighed and kissed your forehead before cleaning away the grime. When the blood was gone I could see your beautiful face again.  
You had looked so lost and ashamed. So I had taken your clean hand and led you into the bedroom and helped you forget about your sorrows for the night.  
I had woken up in the morning to the sobbing that I hate to say I have grown too familiar with.  
I had tip toed to the bathroom and inched the door open,  
slowly revealing the image I knew I would see.  
You were scurled up in the red stained bathtub. The razor was lying discarded on the ground and covered in your blood.  
You were hiding away with your face buried into your knees and your fingers tangled in your hair, dying your beautiful ebony locks a sickly deep red.  
You had muttered at me to go away but I had ignored you and climbed into the tub with you, pulling your head into my lap and allowing you to weep your sorrows away as I stroked your hair and told you that I loved you.  
My love, why do you do this?  
You had soon stopped crying and then pulled yourself onto my lap, curling into me and holding me tight.  
You were getting blood on my pyjamas but neither of us cared.  
You asked me again why I stayed. This time you asked for the proper reason, not some cryptic quote from something long forgotten. I had smiled sadly and told you that I would leave in a second if I could, but I had already stayed to long and love had bound me too tightly to you to ever leave you.  
You had whimpered as if in pain and asked what I even saw in stupid, ugly, irrational you. I replied that I didn't see any of that, but the true beauty inside of you that made you flawless in my eyes.  
You had laughed and called me delusional. You had told me, "Only a nutter would stay with me. What with all my anger issues and Care Homes and slit wrists and my general disgusting self!"  
You had then suggested in a teary whisper that maybe you should leave me, to save me the pain and the guilt. To do what was best for me. I had smiled and cupped your cheek, and told you that I didn't need to leave you to find what was best for me, because what's best for me is you.


End file.
